TIP 29: Be Obvious if You Don’t Like the Way Someone Looks.

Your just being honest, right?

Negative Ned Says…

Ned's Lowered Expectations

“Okay, so I may not actually say anything negative directly to you, but oh, I’ll let you know that I don’t like how you look. Either I’ll talk down to you, or I’ll roll my eyes in disgust every now and again — or maybe both. Before you’ve left the store, my co-worker and I will be giggling about your hairstyle or your barn boots. We’ve got you all figured out, and you don’t look like you’re worth waiting on.”

Positive Paul Says…

Positive Paul

“This problem is simple to avoid. You don’t have to look or dress like I do, but I can be open and respectful to you! You don’t have to like the way someone looks. Nor do you have to like everyone you meet or agree with their ideas. But being respectful and kind will always take you further. My mother always told me to ‘kill them with kindness.’

Of course, that does not mean that I will let you walk all over me. I’ve found that it’s very difficult for people to be consistently mean to you if you are persistently kind to them. They will either start being nice or they won’t deal with you anymore. Either way, I’m fine. I don’t take things as personally as I once did. If I was kind and respectful to someone and he still didn’t like me, that’s okay. I know I did all that I could.

As I’ve mentioned, we tend to make snap judgments about people. Our first impressions are hard to change. However, when we change from being closed-minded to being open-minded, we change our attitude, which changes our behavior, which changes our results.

Do you remember the scene in the movie Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts’ character, Vivian, walks into a fancy, high-end clothing store with a wad of cash to buy clothes? She’s wearing black leather thigh-high boots, a white cropped skin-tight tank top, a red shirt tied around her waist, and big, frizzy hair. The saleswoman approaches her and says, ‘I don’t think we have anything for you. You’re obviously in the wrong place. Please leave.’ Vivian leaves, embarrassed and rejected. The next day, after her ‘boyfriend’ helps her buy a new wardrobe from a different store, Vivian returns to the first store carrying bags of clothes. As the bevy of saleswomen stare at her in disbelief, Vivian exclaims, ‘You remember me from yesterday? You work on commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now.’

Be careful about judging people based on their appearance! You never know who they really are or how much money they want to spend.”

A Real World Example

A story told by GERRI HELMS


“I waitressed in a rather well known local Pennsylvania-Dutch restaurant in Bethlehem, PA, working a lunch shift. Three well-dressed business men sat in my station and ordered the most expensive item on the lunch menu. I was so excited, knowing that they would obviously be great tippers!

The meal went fine, with some major butt-kissing on my part. I frequently checked their coffee, brought extra bread and butter, and filled the water glasses, all the while giving adequate but minimal service to my other four tables.

They finally left, smiling and waving. I went over to the table, anticipating a few dollars from each of them. They each left a quarter – not even a five percent gratuity! I felt duped and angry, picked up that 75 cents and chased them out to the parking lot. I yelled, ‘Hey, you forgot your change!’ and hurled the three quarters in their direction. Ah, I felt vindicated.”

Moral to the story: When you work on commission, performance bonuses — or for tips — and you judge people based on their appearance, you just may get short changed.

Strategies to Turn This Around

Treat everyone with kindness and respect.

  1. Be nice – no matter what!
  2. Don’t forget rule number one.


Remember: You don’t have to like someone to be kind to her!

“When you label me, you negate me.”

— Soren Kierkegaard

© 2012 by Barbara Khozam Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this message may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission of the publisher.

0 Responses to “TIP 29: Be Obvious if You Don’t Like the Way Someone Looks.”

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